“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other” – Mother Teresa
They say whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I’ve never fully agreed with that nugget of wisdom. We need only to look at the headlines of the past year for proof. Hurtful words didn’t make Tyler Clementi, Tyler Long, or Phoebe Prince stronger. They merely pushed three human beings in an already-fragile state ‘over the edge’ to the point of believing no life was a better choice to one filled with the pain of isolation and rejection. “Sticks and stones” can break your bones but words can have devastating consequences…not merely for victim’s families, but all of us as a society. We need to each ask ourselves, which role have we played… the perpetrator? ….the apathetic witness/contributor? Or maybe we are the one who suffers quietly, having been the target of cruel words, actions, or intentions of others. My guess is, in a lifetime, we’ve played each role at some point… whether intimidated by peer pressure or self insecurities… never believing that what we’ve dished out or what we’ve been the recipient of could be so bad as to cause ourselves or another to end life. We often hear how ‘kids can be cruel’. But the truth is, when one doesn’t step in to address the behavior early on, that cruel kid just grows up into a cruel adult (we’ve all known a few)… and every one of us reap the seeds of indifference as our news becomes saturated by stories of bullying, cultural misunderstanding, social intolerance, racial violence, and youth suicide.
To be honest, I can say, that as an adult, I have probably witnessed more “bullies” than I did on the playground in my youth. There are the overt ones, who you can spot immediately – openly biting and callous…and there are those who masquerade in a cloak of kindness and compassion, while all the while brewing hurtful venom to release upon their ‘prey’ at any whimful, narcissistic impulse. Whichever category of ‘bully’ they fall into, we each have a responsibility not to fall ourselves, but to stand… to stand up for others… to stand up for ourselves. I’ve learned the hard way that ‘standing’ in true strength does not always require direct confrontation. Self-righteous impulses can result in more harm than good, and one’s genuine intentions never see the light of day, if they are hijacked by unregulated emotions. ‘Standing’ sometimes, merely requires grabbing hold of inner strength and the assurance of what is right and good… maintaining a steadfast spirit. We each have frailties… all of us fall short… but, if goodness and kindness anchor your heart, the fruits of your own life can be a great witness… a bright light for others to see…. a bright light to combat the dark… that no hurtful words or actions assailed against you can prosper against loving, forgiving, and compassionate words and actions which build up, edify, inspire, encourage, and strengthen. Yet, this means the ‘light’ cannot only be there for those who have been harmed… it even more importantly needs to exist for those who have caused it. For those of us ‘in the corner’ of the underdog, this can be a ‘hard pill to swallow’. But, then after all, it is an easy thing to love those who are loveable…the true test of our humanity is when we can forgive and love those who are not… those who have caused us severe pain and injury. I am not a psychologist, but something innate within me believes we cannot “treat” one without treating the other. It is my fervent belief that the headlines won’t truly start to change, until we start to see ourselves not solely as victim or villain… but as in the eyes of Mother Teresa… simply, as ‘belonging to each other’.
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